Don’t laugh because the Zombies really are coming and when that blood thirsty army finally arrives in your neighborhood you’ll really understand the meaning of that famous phrase, “A man’s home is his castle”. You’ll hope yours is anyway. Zombie Apocalypse is official and as discussed in the House of Commons, it should not be taken lightly!
If you want to make it through the trying times that lie ahead before the dawn of our next enlightened age, you’ll definitely want to have a fully self-sufficient, zombie-proof home, green roof and perimeter. Here are some ideas on how best to do it.
First of all, other than a perfect sphere, no shape is a secure as the perfect square. If you can build your home in a square, it’ll be equally easy to defend from all sides as long as you’re on the roof. Windows present liabilities unless they can be easily and quickly shut and sealed so that the zombies can’t break in. Steel is the best material although aluminium is almost as good and considerably cheaper.
The smart thing to do is to surround your home with a good, strong, thick fence… or even a wall. Preferably one with barbed-wire or pieces of broken glass embedded in it. To back that wall up, a moat would be a good idea too… preferably one with punji-stakes embedded underneath a false-cover. This won’t stop them all but at least it’ll reduce their numbers a bit and buy you some time until help comes (if it ever does).
Needless to say, during more peaceful times, walls and moats also tend to keep IRS agents, Avon ladies and cookie-salesmen away too.
Rather than spending time outside in the open where you could be surprised by a Zombie sneak-attack, you’d be wise to fix up your roof where you can spend more time up there. You’ll have a better view of the surrounding area too…. for better security. Spending some time making your roof ‘green’, AKA: a ‘living roof’, will pay handsome dividends in sanity during those long weeks while you wait for the chaos to settle outside.
According to roofing experts at Roofing Repair Toronto, if you can rig up your roof with your own garden, it’ll give you the fruits and vegetables you’ll need to hold to survive until the Army can re-establish peace and order and the supermarkets can get cleaned up and re-opened. You can grow all kinds of tasty and nutritious items up on your roof using pots or trays or even some of the Green Packs or Green Blocks that pre-package the soil you need.
When the ‘cavalry’ finally arrives, they’ll look at you and think you’ve been on vacation because you’ll look so healthy. You just need to plant the items you want depending on what your climate will sustain and the types of seeds you can get. Green roofs are all about ‘good health’, right?
You can also capture and filtrate rainwater but be sure you have plenty of iodine tablets to take too because there might be a lot of radiation in the water for a while (maybe a long while!). Iodine helps combat the effects of radiation sickness, you know.
You’ll want to be sure and keep some pretty things, i.e. flowers and such, up on the roof, because very possibly you’ll be spending a lot of time up there until all the zombies die. They can’t live without fresh blood, you know. Hopefully it’ll be someone else’s and not yours. And just think of all the great buys in property you’ll be able to pick up later when most people are…..uh, gone.
There will be a new day and you’ll be glad you were able to survive up on your lovely zombie-apocalypse-proof ‘green roof’.
Anonymouse concerned writer from the Local Q&A. Focusing on helping as many good people make it in the post apocalyptic era one article at a time!
